someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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