Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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