Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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