had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
