is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
it's great music for shaving your balls
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize