Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
