hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
