I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
