I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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