apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize