he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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