Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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