I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
