dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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