you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
