So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
