During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How's work?
Spinning.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
