...so i touched it.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
