On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
