I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
