; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
