Quick, to the slutcave!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
