Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
