D3 body, D1 cock
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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