since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
