I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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