Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
