Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
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