Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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