God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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