textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
