one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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