we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why can't burritos get me drunk
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize