i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
