so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize