Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
