Nicole vs. Life
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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