Im at strip club and am horny
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
