Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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