WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Found the puke drawer
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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