you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
