I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
