Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
