spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
