Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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