Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
