ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
