i think my tv is drunk
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
