Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
