can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
