So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
