i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
