toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
