can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
