I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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