Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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