A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
