Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
