i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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