I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
