Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
