i just had sex bonerless
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
