I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
