I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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