therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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