just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
