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Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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