Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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