He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
