I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
