I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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