First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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