I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
