I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
