I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Two words: nipple clamps
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