omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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