She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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