Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
