Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize