People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
