Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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