One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
