I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
