glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
