Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
