Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
