i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found a bag of teeth...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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