I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
