i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I deserve this hangover.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
