And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize