i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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