Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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