got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
