I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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