I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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