when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hippo gnu deer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
