My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize